mdohm/Mattyd (mdohm) wrote,

Stagnant and tired

I'm unhappy. With lots of things. Everyone who I see as my equal makes more money than I do by 40-100%. I feel pigeon-holed in my career paths. My hobbies bore me and many of my friends tend to do the same. My girlfriend refuses to fight or exhibit ANY element of drama that is not self-depricating in the sense that she sacrifices herself above me. This should be a good thing. This should tell me she's a keeper. It does not. It makes me feel like I'm dating myself. If she can't cause a negative reaction in me she can't cause a positive one, and I don't find myself upset with her, only disappointed. I may be driving this relationship in to the ground, but in my heart it never really took off in the first place. It's my fault. Unapologetically, uncaringly, it's my fault and it's going to happen anyway. if I can't find love here-- if I can't find passion-- I'm going to burn it down trying.

And did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage?
How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year,
Running over the same old ground.
What have you found? The same old fears.
Wish you were here.
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